I started this journal with the intention of healing myself and helping others along the way. It is for everyone who have been through trauma and are taking steps to being happier, healthier and emotionally more confident in themselves. 

The healing did not take place overnight, it came in stages of my life. God answers you when you least expect it. 

It was when I was going through a really emotional black period in my life, and I was stumbling for direction like a lost sheep. I had heard of Lord Jesus since I was seven years old, having grown up in an hindu house, I was confused at this age . I used to go with my neighbours to the church, which was just in a huge tent in those days. There I sang my heart out to please the Lord. I started to read many scriptures on various religions and became utterly confused about who God was. It was at the age of 36 when I finally met The Lord and He showed me the way just when I thought I had lost the will to live. 

It would take many years for me to accept Jesus was indeed my Saviour. When the bullet whizzed past my head, I found myself hovering over the ceiling of the room. All seemed well and at first all I could see was the beautiful,clear blue skies, I was hovering over different mountains and hills and I could see all the people I loved going about their daily routines totally unaware of what was happening to the body inside this room. 

My lifeless body was being ravaged by monsters and suddenly everything changed in an instant. The Lord appeared to me as I heard myself pleading to Him to free me from this pain. My prayers pleading the Blood of Jesus, begging for forgiveness. There appeared the Lord before me showing me my life past and the future to where my husband and children were.  .I saw The Lord on the Cross and the vision faded , with a thud I was back in my body. This changed my life in a way no human could understand. 

I walked around feeling like I was born again! Given a new life free of pain,anger and sorrow. For days and weeks I felt like this. Within myself I felt the changes but on the outside people started to shun me, as if I was diseased. I turned to God and my healing began. 

Every act of God is motivated by Love. God not only loves” God is love” God is always ready to abundantly pardon us, to forgive us and to restore us. He desires to see us reconciled to Him every day in every way. We may not always understand His ways or His thoughts, but this must not keep us from following His Words at all times. One of the greatest reasons we do not heal from trauma or tragedy is that we harbour unforgiveness in our hearts. 

In a world where being out for revenge seems to be more at hand, and appears to bring more satisfaction, they say it takes courage and strength to do it. And I couldn’t agree more. “An eye for an eye” is a reaction to being hurt, physically or emotionally.The need for retaliation poisons our minds, and it takes hard work to finally be able to say “I forgive you.”

Forgiveness is about letting go of the past, understanding and moving on. It’s about taking care of your own mental health and setting yourself free. Selfish? Maybe, but it’s the kind that does good to others too. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. 

It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you. 

It was the most important lesson I have ever learned. That day I read about releasing and forgiving others. God brought out all the hurt and pain to me and showed me what to do. I was convinced that God had chosen me for a purpose. So I had to forgive all those people that abused and caused me pain over the years. We must forgive in order to heal. 

Right now is the time to release those who have offended you . Do it Now! Release them in your heart. This is the right moment- tomorrow may be too late. 

Some people can’t understand why I chose to forgive and move on. I tell you this, it’s because I forgave them, I no longer have sleepless nights or terrible nightmares. 

Jesus himself prayed for those who were killing him, when He had done them nothing but good and He is calling us to follow His example. We are to forgive just as He has forgiven us. 

There will come a time when you will discard all your material possessions, the same things that you have mistakenly treasured for life. These are the things we are guilty of giving undue importance. Our earthly possessions mean nothing to us if we can’t find peace in our hearts. We need to reject pride in our lives and humble ourselves before the Lord.

GRACE 2000

Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Grace. She lived in the country of South Africa. Grace’s home was close to the beach; she would often go down and watch the waves as they lapped at the edge of the sand. Grace was young and graceful. She had a beautiful face and a beautiful heart but there was always a sadness which followed her around. She was sad because she could not find a friend and without a friend she could not find peace within herself. This sadness took the shine out of her eyes and the glow out of her beautiful flowing locks of hair. The sadness broke her heart. Grace just wandered around aimlessly hoping that tomorrow will bring a new happy day for her.

As Grace grew older she started to travel. She wanted to meet new people in different towns. Grace was hoping to find her missing friend so her heart could feel better. But no matter how many towns she visited she was still very sad. So Grace decided to travel further to new countries. Grace decided to go to a country called Poland. She thought that she would find her friend there. But to no avail. All she became was an immigrant. Poland was not a friendly country. There were no friendly people there. There was no peace to gild her heart there, so she became even sadder. Her heart remained sad and broken. She could not find a friend there.

Grace decided to travel again so she packed her suitcase and climbed on a huge airplane. She traveled for hours until she came to the scenic country of England. There Grace found many people. They came from all areas of the country. There were many tourists as well. But Grace became an immigrant again. She wanted to stay in this wonderful country. Grace thought she would find a friend there and then her heart would be happy again. She would be able to find peace within herself. But, alas, there was no friend around.

One day Grace decided to go and look for a friend. She had to be positive. She knew in her heart that if she looked long enough she would find a friend. And then all would be well again.

She climbed in her car and traveled all around the city, then the town, then the country. She just went on and on until one day she landed up in a chilly place. She found herself in the highlands of Scotland. Grace decided to stop and buy herself a warm cardigan in a town called Inverness. There were many people there. There were too many people and too many tourists, so Grace left to travel a little further.

As Grace drove along the road, she came across an exquisite castle. She saw the most ornamented gardens and then the most magnificent mountain range. And as she went closer, there in the folds of the mountains, she saw the most beautiful thing of all, a long lake which shined like a mirror. Grace was amazed at the beauty of the lake and she could feel peace come into her heart as she walked closer to the lake.

But Grace still felt sad. There was no friend anywhere to be seen. So she stepped down to the edge of the lake and sat down with her feet in the water. She began to cry soft little tears. The tears flowed down her cheeks and looked like golden streaks on her soft brown skin. The tears grew bigger and the sobs grew louder until she was in a desperate state of weeping, shedding tears all over the place. Her heart had broken and she didn’t know how to fix it. She lay down on the soft green grass weeping and weeping.

Grace felt something soft and cold touching her feet which were still dangling in the water. She moved them a little. But then she felt it again. Slowly she sat up and there in front of her was the strangest most magnificent creature she had ever seen. She gazed at it in amazement. It looked at her from side to side moving its long slender neck and purring the softest most pleasing sound.

"Why are you crying?" it whispered. "Why are you so sad?"

Grace was flabbergasted. She was almost rendered speechless. Who was this beautiful elegant Creature? What was this beautiful elegant Creature.? Why was she not afraid of it? The Creature was really large and could quite easily swallow her up. But there it was gazing at her, purring soft questions at her. And as she sat staring at this graceful creature she started telling it her sad story of how she couldn’t find a friend and how sad her heart was.

"You need no longer be sad," whispered the creature, "I am here and I will be your friend for as long as you need me."

"But who… are… you?" asked Grace, the words staggering out between her lips.

"Why I am Nessie," replied the creature, "and I live here in Loch Ness."

"But I thought Nessie was just an imaginary creature from some story!" replied Grace.

"That’s what everyone thinks. I just prefer to remain so. I like to be a figment of everyone’s imagination. I like to be called a magical creature and I love all the stories that people make up about me" whispered the creature.

"So why did you come and speak to me?" asked Grace, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"I know you needed me, and I felt your sadness. I know how much you need to be loved and if you let me I will love you like that," he said.

Grace was still amazed she sat still for a long, long time. Then she answered: "You will be my friend! You will make my heart sing! You will help me find my inner peace!" Then her eyes began to glow, her hair began to shine and her heart began to sing!

"Thank you, Nessie", she cried with joy. "From here to the moon and back, who could ever love me like that!"